Ten Strategies for Parenting Teens, #1
Strategy #1 Bring your presence. I think this is my best advice regarding teens. Be around, as much as possible. We eat dinner together on the nights it is possible and try to wait up for our teens to arrive home at night (I’ll be honest, it’s usually my husband. I don’t do well staying up late anymore!) We show up like clockwork at our teens’ events and school functions, even if they act like they don’t want us there. When we’re home, I try to be in the common areas, where the teens hang out, although sometimes I’d rather just hide out in my room! Even if they’re doing homework and I’m checking emails, at least we’re together. We’re doing life together.
Presence communicates some important things to your teen. It says you care enough to be involved. It says family is a priority. And your presence reassures and gives stability. It’s something they can count on. I’ve found, teens talk at the oddest times. If you make it your practice to be around, you will be there when they want to talk.
Sometimes I don’t want to be “always available.” Sometimes my teen is miserable to live with, and I would rather be anywhere else than in the kitchen watching them eat. But by continuing to show up, we model maturity. We are not moved or swayed by feelings. We are bigger than their poor behavior or bad mood. We will keep showing up. We will keep hanging around. They can’t get rid of us that easy. We’re here to parent, and ain’t nothing going to stop us. Parenting means showing up on the great days and on the gut-wrenchingly hard days. That’s what we’ve been given to do, and by golly, we’ll do it. We’ll smile. We’ll tell them to have a good day at school. We’ll welcome them home. We are the parents, and we are here to nurture and love our teens, to discipline and direct, to train them as they prepare for adulthood.
Our presence on the regular is the basis for parenting teens. We can’t parent when you’re not around, and we have to be around to know what’s going on. We want to be present so we can notice the change in mood one week, or to pick up on the fact that something is bothering our teen. The more time we spend with our teens, the more of a relationship we will have. Think about it as a mantra: I’m here today by choice, and I’m bringing my best and making myself available. Even if you don’t see your teen reciprocate that, you are modeling behavior you want to see in them eventually.
What about you? Whether you’ve parented teens or not, what do you think are the most important things?
