Reclaiming Motherhood

Encouraging moms to embrace motherhood and leave inadequacy behind

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    2020 Has Changed Us: How?

    July 9, 2020 /

    I'm aware that this pandemic is leaving a mark on each of us. But today I realized: I get to determine what changes in my heart!

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    Four Easy Ways to Treasure Motherhood

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elisabeth.brooks1
Mamas- I have a question for you! Is your experi Mamas- I have a question for you! Is your experience of motherhood fulfilling to you? If it is, what specifically makes it fulfilling? If it’s not, what are you missing? I’m doing research. 🤫☺️ Feel free to comment or DM me with your thoughts…. I’d love to hear them! 💗
We are the guardians of the hearts and minds of ou We are the guardians of the hearts and minds of our children. We are the gatekeepers that filter what our children see and are exposed to, and during Halloween season this becomes especially important. We decide if we’re going to allow fear into our home or not by what we watch, what we dress up as, and what we celebrate. ⁠ ⁠ We all want Halloween to be fun and harmless, especially for little kids. But if we’re honest, we know that the heart of Halloween is not innocent or meant for kids. If we hang mummies from our trees and make our yard a cemetery, what are we modeling for our kids? And how does that make our kids feel? Do they feel safe knowing what is hanging in the tree outside? Is it all fun and games or do some parts of Halloween make your child fearful? ⁠ ⁠ One of the problems with fear is that it’s easy to invite in, but hard to get rid of it. As we all know, images stay with us. Ask anyone about the first time they saw a scary movie and what do they say? They say they didn’t sleep for months afterwards or they were terrified of dolls or clowns or they wouldn’t walk upstairs in the dark. Is that what we want for our children? ⁠ ⁠ I think all of us would agree that we don’t want to make our children fearful, so maybe it’s time we assess how we celebrate a holiday that celebrates evil, darkness, and fear. Let’s stop and consider what is right for our children and our families in this season of life. Let’s take our position as the guardian of our children seriously and evaluate what plans would benefit our children and what plans might plant a seed of fear and choose what is best for the benefit of our child. ⁠ ⁠ How do you celebrate Halloween? Have there been things you’ve said no to because you didn’t think your child could handle it? Have you seen your child become fearful as a result of something they saw?⁠ ⁠ #families #family #parenting #halloween #halloweenwithkids #spookyseason #spooky #fear #fearinkids #nobaddreams #harmless #safehalloween #motherhood #mothering #mother
My first guest post! ✨ I’m so honored to be a My first guest post! ✨ I’m so honored to be a part of @marniehammar series Hear Him Louder, which is all about how to tune our ears to hear God’s voice. I’m sharing a significant and special moment that God spoke to my heart and changed my direction. Three words changed my mind! Link in bio to read my story! And don’t forget to follow me at elisabethbrooks.com for all kinds of encouragement for moms! 💖
I have a suggestion for what you’re looking for. I have a suggestion for what you’re looking for. Oh, did I take you by surprise? I don’t know you, so how could I know?⁠ ⁠ Because we’re all looking for it. We’ve tried all kinds of ideas. ⁠ ⁠ What are we looking for? Fulfillment, satisfaction, happiness… am I on the right track? And if I can’t have those, then I’ll settle for a quick hit of dopamine. That’s at my fingertips because my phone gives me the ability to get attention, elicit a response from others, and get questions answered quickly, although not reliably. I can buy a new outfit, watch an entire series, and order dinner without moving from my seat. Maybe now we've exhausted all of that. Maybe it’s the weekend and we’ve scrolled for more hours than we would like to admit. Relaxing is no longer giving you the good feeling you originally enjoyed. Now what?⁠ ⁠ I’m here offering you a secret I’ve found. It’s a lost art, in my humble estimation. It’s something our ancestors did a lot more than we do today. It’s called manual labor. Hard work. Scrubbing the floor with a scrub brush, pulling the weeds (not spraying them), kneading a loaf of bread, or decluttering the spare bedroom.⁠ ⁠ I know! I hear you complaining that you don’t have time for that! And I get it, I truly do. But we have time to scroll, don’t we?⁠ Some good ol' hard work is better than Netflix! It's better than scrolling! It's better than therapy. ⁠ ⁠ Using our hands to complete a task, using strenuous effort, clears our minds and helps us gain perspective. I say it clears out the cobwebs! ⁠ ⁠ So, what could you tackle today? Do you think some good old scrubbing would do you good today?⁠ ⁠ #motherhood #mother #happiness #fulfillment #satisfaction #scrolling #betterthan therapy #hardwork #work #makemefeelbetter #whatineed #clearmyhead ⁠ ⁠ To read the whole article, click the link in my bio.
🚶🏻‍♀️Keep going, mama…. When it’s 🚶🏻‍♀️Keep going, mama…. When it’s hard. 🚶🏿‍♀️Keep going… when no one acknowledges your effort. 🚶🏻‍♀️Keep going… when it would be easier to check out. 🚶🏽‍♀️When you’re up to your eyeballs in… whatever… keep mothering. 🚶🏻‍♀️When you’re hanging on by a thread… take another deep breath and make sure that thread is tethered to God and his inexhaustible strength. 🚶‍♀️When you don’t know what to do… keep going. Trust that the answer will come. 🚶🏽‍♀️When it looks bleak… keep doing the things you know to do. The payoff will come. 🚶🏻‍♀️When the days are filled with tears… lift your eyes to the One who knows the end from the beginning. He promises He sees your tears and treasures each one. He also promises that they will eventually be replaced with joy. 🚶🏽‍♀️When you’re filled with joy, bask in it… and keep going. There is not a single substitute for consistency… so keep going. 💜 Love you, mama. You got it.
I meet moms all the time, and you know what? They’re all pretty amazing. Yes, you mama, YOU are amazing! And it struck me, we are all amazing… and completely different! I met a mama recently who is just crushing the “chores” game, telling her kids they are taking “home ec. classes,” while she watches them mop her floor. Brilliant! I watched another new mom paint designs on a cardboard box to provide visual stimulation to her one-month-old! I am amazed, because at one-month postpartum, I certainly did not take on any craft projects! When I see another mom excelling at mothering, there’s a tinge of guilt inside, as I think I should do ‘that thing,’ when maybe I should just celebrate her unique skill in that area. I just witnessed her brilliance, but she has areas she wishes she could do like me. Could we stop comparing? Could we be okay with our own ‘thing?’ I love what I’ve heard often from @ediewadsworth recently. She says, “You are exactly the mama your child needs!” That comforts my soul, because some days I’m tired, sometimes I lose my temper, and sometimes I yell! Sometimes I think another mother would be much better than me. Yet, I’m still the mama my children need. Still the mama God appointed for them. Even when I’m not ‘perfect.’ Even when I don’t do all the ‘things.’ I’m doing my best to embrace that I’m only good at some things. Let’s stop trying to be like the other moms. I mean, steal all their grand ideas, but stop trying to be everything they are BECAUSE THAT’S NOT YOU.😊 And let’s embody to the full who we are, with all our flaws and areas we aren’t particularly good at, unapologetically. I’m a good mom, who happens to be really good at reading and indoor activities. And I won’t list all the things I’m not good at, because IT DOESN’T MATTER. So there. How about you? What would be the words you would assign to your strength(s) as a mom?
I’m writing to all of us who feel like we’ve b I’m writing to all of us who feel like we’ve been failing at parenting. Is this you, too, because it’s me. I haven’t been the parent I want to be- the engaged, supportive, tell-me-what’s-going-on parent. You know why? Because I believed the lie that I’m not good enough. The enemy was telling me that my kids didn’t need me. That they needed someone more qualified for the job, someone more confident, someone more brave. So I pulled back. I mean, I was present in the flesh, but not bringing my best. But I’m writing today to tell myself- and to tell you- that YOU ARE THE PARENT YOUR CHILD NEEDS. So, if you’ve withdrawn from your role, if you’ve believed your kids can do it without you, I’m here to remind you of the truth: you are absolutely necessary! Don’t abdicate your role. It’s yours. YOU parent your child best. Just step in again. Engage. Maybe you can’t do everything right now, but you can do something. It’s never too late to step back in. Your child needs you. Your child needs you. Your child needs you. I may just keep saying this on repeat, so we can hear that truth spoken over us. If this encouragement spoke to you today, leave me an emoji in the comments. I’m going to say a prayer of encouragement for you today, for you to re- engage and to step boldly into your place. 🙏🏻💗
As a mother, we provide NURTURE daily. It’s easy As a mother, we provide NURTURE daily. It’s easy to become drained of resources. We must learn how to NURTURE our own souls. This is different from self-care because NURTURE is applied to encourage growth and development. Self-care might be taking a bath, getting a pedicure, or going for a walk. Nurturing our souls takes it a step further. What am I doing to promote my own growth and development? What feeds my soul so I can be more patient and kind, so I can be a better friend, wife, and mother? What can we do to nourish ourselves? Who can we spend time with that leaves us encouraged and strengthened? How can we NURTURE our bodies so they function optimally? For me, reading the Bible tops the ways I can nurture my soul and spirit. No other words are life-giving like reading God’s words. Reading encouraging, positive, and challenging books also makes me better. On the other hand, reading heavy material drains me emotionally and mentally, and can affect my mood. I also personally like to work out; making my body stronger makes me feel tough when I encounter bad attitudes and negativity. Maybe it’s all the dopamines exercise produces, but I feel mighty after a good workout! And nothing beats friendships to nurture my soul. Friends in the trenches with us are a gift from God. Nothing compares to a friend who encourages you and kicks your butt when you need it! Please share what you have found to NURTURE your soul. You might help someone else find an encouraging habit and a way to NURTURE personal growth! (No, this is not me in the picture, although I do get my butt kicked at the gym when we have to do the ropes!.... Anyone else?!)
An important part of NURTURE is the expression of An important part of NURTURE is the expression of love and emotions. It's how our children learn we are humans with feelings and not robots. Our children should see, hear, and feel love on a daily basis. Lavishing our children with hugs and whispered promises to always be there does not make our kids weak, but rather strong. Showing our love in tangible ways strengthens our love for our children, and love, then, survives tantrums and colic and all the hard things of child-raising. The Bible says love “endures all things” and that “love never fails.” Love is what forms the bonds that hold us tightly together. NURTURING our children with love brings about the deepest growth in our children’s lives, shaping their capacity for showing and feeling emotions. This sets them up for healthy relationships throughout their whole lives, simply by NURTURING with our expressions of emotions and encouraging them to express their feelings as well.
So much of motherhood can be summed up in one word So much of motherhood can be summed up in one word: NURTURE. NURTURE is doing what brings about growth and development. NURTURE takes on many forms, from providing food to providing challenges, like ‘tummy time’ to strengthen back and head muscles in a baby, or helping a toddler walk by holding their fingers. NURTURE means encouraging growth by experiencing new things, like walks in the woods or books in the library. NURTURE is exploring new foods and meeting new people, all from the safety of mom or dad being right there. NURTURE includes giving enough time for sleep and quiet time, and alone time as well. NURTURE encourages growth physically, emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually. A child cannot nurture herself. A child must be nurtured by someone else. We do for them what they cannot do for themselves. What is the first thing you think of when you hear the word NURTURE?
🍂 Notice. Remember. Treasure. 🍂 I hope this 🍂 Notice. Remember. Treasure. 🍂 I hope this Thanksgiving, in spite of the busyness, we will notice our families and give thanks. This is our legacy; they are our why. Beautiful and crazy, messy and lovely. Let us hold them tenderly in our thoughts. 🍂 I hope we will remember, too, this Thanksgiving, the years that have led to this one. Ponder the years when the kids were little. Remember the joy of the season through the years. We might have to dig for the good memories, but we all have some. Have you ever cradled those memories close to your heart, and felt their warmth in your heart? We rekindle our love of being a mother when we meditate the good memories. 🍂 I hope we will treasure not just the memories, but the present, too. It’s easy to be caught up in the noise, the preparations, the schedule. Let’s find a few moments to pause- to stop and reflect- and soak in the moment. Maybe we snap a picture or maybe we take a mental picture instead, and let the joy of the moment fill our hearts. Let’s find the joy. It doesn’t matter if the turkey was dry, the kids trashed the toy room, or the bathroom was dirty when guests arrived. No matter what disappointed or failed, there is joy. Let’s find it, and treasure it! 🍂 The Bible records that Mary, the mother of Jesus, treasured and pondered her experiences in raising her son, the Son of God. I love that the Bible takes time to mention something many might overlook. She’s noticing and considering the stories of her son’s life… and she considers them a treasure. As all mothers do, if we take the time to notice. Blessing to you and your family this Thanksgiving! Let’s make some memories. 🍂🧡🍂
Who holds the key to a child’s heart? You, mama. Who holds the key to a child’s heart? You, mama. 🔑 Who can tenderly direct his choices? You, mama. 🔑 Who can kiss boo-boos and make them all better? You, mama. 🔑 Who shapes your daughter’s world view? You, mama. 🔑 Who answers all the questions? You do, mama. 🔑 Who discerns the needs of your child the best? You, mama. 🔑 Who is irreplaceable? You, mama. ✨ Let these words remind you of your importance. Your role is fit perfectly BY YOU. Only you. Don’t be intimidated by your importance, but own it. Double tap if you agree! ♥️
Our kids want to know: will we do what we say? Whe Our kids want to know: will we do what we say? When we do what we say, our kids view us as trustworthy. When we don’t, our kids see us as unreliable. You may have heard of Attachment Theory (John Bowlby) in a class in college. This theory states that kids develop stronger attachments to their parents when their parents show up and behave consistently. It’s the same thing with discipline. The most important thing is showing up! Less important is the consequence, as long as it is consistent. Our children learn quickly when we consistently implement a certain consequence for a misbehavior. For example, if a child hits his brother, he gets a timeout on the bottom step. He begins to anticipate sitting on the bottom step when he hits his brother. When we (the parents) aren’t consistent, his little brain is confused, because he thought X behavior means Y consequence, and why didn’t it this time? It’s more beneficial for his growth if I implement the same consequence each time, right away, and he also makes the brain connection between behavior and consequence. The same is true for rewards. If we say we’re going to reward our kids for good obedience or cleaning up their toys, we need to be quick to do it. Their brains are picking up all the signals, and we blow it when we don’t do what we say. What is one area where you struggle with consistency? For me, it was always out running errands, when I didn’t have time to stop shopping, go back to the car for discipline, and then return to the store. Being in public is always more difficult. Do you have any tough discipline situations?
Have you ever been tempted to use shame when you d Have you ever been tempted to use shame when you discipline? I have. Have you ever felt shame or been shamed by someone else? It’s an icky, awful feeling. Shame is something we internalize and come to believe is part of our identity. A child disobeying or following their selfish desires is normal, and not to be shamed. We all do things that satisfy our selfish wants, but as adults, we can cover it better. There are times we are tempted to use shame as a tool, but it doesn’t produce the heart result we want. Plus, shame is a difficult emotion for a child to process, and we could do more harm than good using shame as part of our discipline. Sometimes parents use shame as a tool because that is what they experienced in childhood. Some of us heard “shame on you!” and were called a “bad girl” or “bad boy” from early childhood. It’s hard to unpeel that label. I’m so sorry if that was your experience. I’m so thankful we can consciously, and with truth and clarity, make new choices and not repeat the things that harmed us as children! Shame can cause our children to shrink and withdraw, but we want our children to blossom and grow. Shame causes our children to question their worth and identity, but instead, we desire them to find their God-given identity and fully embody it. Shame causes children to live small, but God offers them a full and abundant life. One practical way to avoid shaming our kids, even unintentionally, is to separate their identity from their actions. And when we are upset at a behavior, we have to make sure our words communicate that the BEHAVIOR is bad, not our child. Another practical way to avoid sending a message of shame to our kids is to be quick to forgive them when they mess up. We don’t want our kids carrying around the weight of mom and dad being mad at them. That’s a lot for a little kid! When we offer forgiveness, we keep them in right relationship with us, and that reinforces love and belonging. Kids thrive when they are in right relationship with their parents. These practical tips, along with self-awareness can help us avoid the trap of using shame when we implement discipline.
Here’s why discipline is so important: we are th Here’s why discipline is so important: we are the first authority in your child’s life! How we fulfill that role influences how our children will respond to ALL AUTHORITY in their lives! If we demand respect, our children will pay respect to others in authority. If we expect prompt obedience, our children will offer the same to their teachers. If we enforce consequences, our children will expect the same thing from other authority figures. Likewise, when we let our children argue and talk back, they will do the same with their principal or boss. If we let our children treat us disrespectfully, we cannot be surprised when they talk the same way to the police officer that pulls them over. If we don’t follow through with consequences as we say, then our children will be aghast when their coaches bench them for poor behavior. It’s easy to miss this key component when you’re in the weeds of childbearing: we are training our children for LIFE. We get to show them in our home, a safe environment, how the world works. We have a responsibility to train them and discipline them NOT JUST FOR US, but for the world they will join as they grow up. 🔑✨We are raising the adults of the next generation. ⬇️I finish my thoughts in the comments 😅⬇️
Do we have to discipline our kids? Won’t they o Do we have to discipline our kids? Won’t they outgrow their childishness eventually? Long story short ->No. {Proverbs 22:15} A youngster’s heart is filled with foolishness, but physical discipline will drive it far away. Other versions say “foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child…” Every child is born in the image of God, yet born from human nature (as I look at myself). A child inherits a sinful nature from us. We struggle to believe that, because children look absolutely perfect and innocent at birth…. until we watch our tot have a full-on vicious tantrum… and then we nod in stunned agreement! A one or two-year-old does not have to be taught how to be greedy or rebellious or selfish! That comes naturally to them… to all of us! Something has to separate a child from clinging to their sinful, foolish nature, and that something is discipline! Discipline makes clinging to what they want uncomfortable and painful. Discipline cuts the cords that hold foolishness to our child. And then, with teaching, we offer them a better way to act. We show them kind and respectful behavior and what kind of results that behavior brings. We teach them how we want them to behave, and then we encourage and praise that behavior. It’s the simplest stuff we learned in beginning psychology. Discourage the negative behavior by making the consequences an undesired result. Encourage positive behavior with praise, added privileges, or maybe some kind of treat or a special outing. Although our children are way smarter than mice, their behavior really is as predictable as mice in a maze! Children will cling to their selfish behaviors as long as it works for them. But when it doesn’t work, and when they can’t get what they want that way, they will stop the behavior that isn’t working and try a new approach. If my child is screaming and throwing a fit because they want a snack, let’s say, and in order to stop the screaming I hand them some fruit snacks. My child’s bad behavior paid off, and they received what they wanted! That behavior will absolutely continue because it is working to their advantage! Continued in comments! ⬇️
//Basics of Discipline// * Only you can figure out //Basics of Discipline// * Only you can figure out what works for your child, no matter how many books you read or experts you listen to. You might ask, how many different methods will I have to try? I don’t know, but I know you keep trying until you find something that produces the fruit 🍉🥝🍌🍏🍇you want to see in your child’s life! Have you found a disciple that is working in your family? Do you find it is different for each child? Are you still searching for a method that works? Keep at it, dear friend! It’s worth your effort and perseverance! It might take some false starts to find the winner, but the ultimate winner is your child!
Those who spare the rod of discipline hate their c Those who spare the rod of discipline hate their children. Those who love their children care enough to discipline them. {Proverbs 13:24} Well, that escalated quickly! It’s hard to hear those words. But it’s also important that we hear them. So many times, we think that we are loving our kids when we don’t discipline them. They like us more, right? Everything is easier. Put a ✋✋in the comments if you’ve ever had to ground a grumpy teen!! I mean, you’re punishing yourself more than them! You have to endure their sour/mopey/angry faces, or their pleas for leniency, or their bargaining tactics! It is not for the faint of heart! Here’s the truth, and I’m not going to sugarcoat it, because I think we all need to hear it: When we don’t discipline our kids, we aren’t showing them love… we’re actually showing that we love ourselves and our comfort more than their good! Ouch. I know, that hurts! 💥 This is part of being the adult, the parent. We have to have a long-term view, because kids don’t. Just like we know that eating junk food will be detrimental to them eventually, so we know that leaving our kids without discipline and consequences will be their downfall. Undisciplined kids don’t listen at school or to coaches. Undisciplined kids won’t want to accept discipline from other authority figures either. Undisciplined kids don’t discipline themselves, because they’ve not experienced discipline; schoolwork, work, sports, and commitments will all be a struggle to them. We also know selfishly, that leaving our children undisciplined will make our lives miserable in the years to come! I’m reading a book now called Atomic Habits, by James Clear. He talks about how, when we choose a longterm perspective, we realize our choices today are creating our future life! (It’s like, I KNEW THAT, but I don’t actually do it!) My choice to eat ice cream a couple of times a week is creating my future self who is carrying extra weight. But I’ll keep doing it for now, because it feels good, but eventually… I’ll take a more mature persepective that acknowledges I’m only sabotaging my goals for my future! {continued in comments ⬇️}
Quiet….can be elusive when we have little ones! Quiet….can be elusive when we have little ones! Quiet…is good for our minds, hearts, and spirits, at all ages! It can be difficult to get our kids to embrace quiet activities. Besides TV, what are quiet activities that your kids like (if any 🙃)? My boys both liked to build LEGOS, which generally was a quiet activity. My girls enjoyed playing with dollhouses, rearranging and setting up elaborate scenarios! But hands down, my absolute favorite thing I’ve done with my kids is read aloud to them. I believe reading aloud is a great way to get kids interested in books. One of my kids never liked reading, but she would sit and listen to me read to her and be engrossed in the storyline! She would beg for me to keep reading! My top picks for books to read aloud: The Chronicles of Narnia, The Mysterious Benedict Society, and any Kate DiCamillo for younger kids! (I also discovered that some of my favorite books- Anne of Green Gables, for example- are much too wordy to read aloud! Still amazing books, but read them to yourself! 😂) If we can get our kids to buy into the story, they will beg daily for you to keep reading to them! It can become a family ritual. It’s a great way to wrap up the day and end it with a quiet time together. If we get our kids to lay quietly, or to snuggle in bed with us, even better! What are the ways you create QUIET with and for your kids?? {This week, I’m participating in a writing challenge for @hopewriters - so you get bonus daily content all week! }
You might be on the fence about discipline, and I You might be on the fence about discipline, and I understand that! I hope I can offer you some compelling reasons to implement discipline in your home. And if you’ve had a rough go of it, I want to share what I’ve learned on my journey, and maybe help you get unstuck if it’s gone awry. Returning to my place for truth, the Bible, I introduce you to another verse, Hebrews 4:11. Let’s start with the first part: “No discipline is enjoyable while it is happening—it’s painful!” True, right? And painful for the parent, too! No kid enjoys a swat on the backside or having their favorite toy put up for the day or having to leave the playground. It makes them mad and it hurts their feelings! Yes, it would be easier to let them act as they want. It’s easier to ignore the sand-throwing at the playground. It’s easier to tell them 17 times to stop pushing their sibling without removing them from the situation. Yep--It’s easier… in the moment. Now comes the second half of the verse: “But afterward there will be a peaceful harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way.” If I had a highlighter, I would mark the key words I see- peace, right-living, trained. How many of us want peace in our homes??? (And EVERYONE raises their hands!) How many of us want our kids to live right, and to grow into adults who live right (lawfully, morally, etc)? This is every parent’s dream, right? To get to the harvest part (peace and right-living), we have to engage in the season of training. We train our kids by instructing them, modeling right-living to them, and by using discipline to mold their behavior. Yes, it’s hard. No parent who has lived through it is going to tell you otherwise. But it is WORTH IT. And the reason it’s worth it? Because you will raise kids who are a delight to be around! You will have kids who will listen when you tell them to stop. You will watch them grow into adults who are kind, considerate, and conscientious. That doesn’t happen by chance. It happens by discipline. Discipline is THE ONLY way to peace in your home. Discipline is necessary for your child’s development, growth, and maturity, and it’s a required element for a peaceful home!
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